Self-Focused... that's what it's ALL About...

I needed a blog *re-vamp*...  it was only until recently that I've discovered the importance of my writing & my reflection...

The last week, few weeks - no the last week... I have been in a bit of a *funk*... falling into my old bad ways...  Perhaps, it all started that one night I celebrated convocation...  Drunk, I picked up some guys own girlfriend...  He was chatting it up with some other dudes, she was irritated with him - so I pulled her to the bar & we had a drink or two... my hands definitely wandering & before she left, she grabbed my phone & punched in her digits...

It put me into a funk... because not only did she break the moral line - but so did I.... and so has all the female influences in my life...  I am not one who has had many positive relationships... many of them failed, failed primarily on lies & deception... over time, these scars fade away - then resurface over & over again... triggered by similar instances... triggered by familiar faces..

My *lil sis* tells me that my perception of women has become warpped... that I've lost faith in real women & real relationships... - this is true.

I have lost faith in a lot more than just women... I have lost my faith in my friends, my community & nearly all members I have worked with in the past...  - none of them are no longer important to me..

I have made MANY successes in my life, as I look back upon it.  Yet, no real sense of accomplishment..

I re-read an *old, OLD* post, I wrote to myself - to an ex-girlfriend... I never gave it to her, because well... I saw no point, since it was all over, crumbled & burnt in flames...  it was titled "Not My Fault"...

And I think this is what pulled, or gave me the leverage to PULL me out of this *funk*... I have had MANY successes not because I followed others, but because I DROVE THE PATH!!  And I should not allow the actions of the masses, the dumb, the ignorant, the skanky - to dictate my preceptions, ambitions & faith of the world...  To be *Great* - I must dictate my faith, with myself - my inner core... for THIS is what will bring me great success!!

So - I have to *re* focus on myself... my fitness, my career, my professional entertainment (golf, gym, bbq, etc).

Following my Soul, will Bring me to Happiness...  Losing Faith from the Actions of Others, will only Bring me Harm.